Inbox
by MiniCeres
Summary: He sent emails to him everyday, never expecting a reply. It was just a way to vent and it made him feel like he was still there. Like he could still talk to his big brother.
1. Gray

**I don't own Big Hero 6 or have any affiliation with the franchise.**

 _Hey Tadashi,_

 _Today was an awful day._

 _I feel like I lost you again._

 _I can't think. I can't breath. I can't even cry._

 _Your funeral was today. It was... It was. There are no words to describe the emptiness I feel without you. It's almost as if the pain is physical, like I got punched in the stomach and the wind got knocked out of me. Everyone says you were a great man, and will always be with us. But you're not. You are not really here, and I am alone. No more hugs, no more smiles, no more love._

 _I feel... So... Abandoned._

 _I don't want to go through this again. I can't even remember Mom and Dad, but I remember feeling alone. Unwanted. Deserted. Like I got left behind. But at least you were there. I could count on you to make me laugh, take care of me, and help me forget all the things that happened._

 _Who is going to do that now?_

 _I feel like I lost you again today. I feel like I lost a best friend. A brother. A father._

 _I miss you._

 _I love you._

 _\- Hiro_

Hiro clicked send and sighed. He knew his brother couldn't reply, but it made the situation feel somewhat normal. He wanted it to be normal desperately. Spinning his chair around he stood up, as though his body was made of lead. It was hard for him to move, not because he was hurt, but because he was heartbroken. Making his way to the bed a couple feet away seemed to take hours. Just like everything else. He laid down and stared at the ceiling, finding patterns and calculating the number of dots created by the texture. 37 dots per inch, so approximately 3,516,480 dots in his room.

His room.

Sighing again Hiro glanced over at Tadashi's empty bed. It was neatly made just the way it always was. As if he would be coming home any minute. Another sigh. He rolled to his side to get the image out of his mind when he noticed the plate of food Aunt Cass made for him on his bedside table.

"When did she bring that in?" He silently mouthed, lips barely moving.

It was gray and dry looking, as though it had been there for hours. He thought he should probably take it downstairs. It was the least he could do for his Aunt. She was trying to be supportive in the way she knew best - food. But he couldn't eat. Nothing had flavor anymore. Everything was as insipid as under-steeped, lukewarm tea. And there was just no point.

Hiro looked away trying to find something else to focus on. Something to peak his interest and take his mind off things for a bit. He scanned his bookshelf and allowed his eyes to settle on Megabot, the robot he made last year to enter in bot fights with.

"Maybe..." He spoke aloud, but quickly shook the idea out of his head. Hiro had given up bot fighting a couple months ago when he decided to enter the SFIT showcase. It was an unspoken promise to Tadashi, and he didn't have it in him to break that promise. Not today at least.

Not finding anything to occupy his thoughts, Hiro's mind drifted back to the events of the day. The funeral had been simple and small, just like Tadashi would have wanted. After standing in the rain together, friends and family came back to the cafe to show their support and mourn with Hiro and Aunt Cass. But Hiro wanted no part of it. He wasn't ready to acknowledge that it was real. Everyone had been wearing black, but it didn't seem right. To him black felt too bold. It should have been gray he thought. Gray to match the rain filled sky. Gray to match the old food sitting on his nightstand. Gray to match his emotions lately, neither dark or light. Just simply there. Yes, he thought, gray would have been a better choice for today.

Hiro thought more about it. Gray. It was the perfect color to symbolize their brotherly bond. How he and Tadashi were together. Tadashi was the color white - bright and light, just like he had made Baymax. Hiro was black - dark and heavy, just like his micro bots. Together they were gray. A combination of the best of -

"Meow!"

Hiro quickly snapped back to reality when he heard Mochi mewing and saw that the fat cat was trying to get at the food filled plate.

"No Mochi. That can make you sick." He reacted, unsure if the food would be safe to eat, not knowing how long it had been out. Pushing himself into a sitting position, Hiro moved his legs over the side of the bed trying to gather the energy to stand. He grabbed the plate and heard it gently scrape the wooden table as he picked it up. It was heavier than he was expecting. Everything felt so heavy now. He got a better grip on the plate and stood, deciding it he was going to take it downstairs and then come back and try to sleep, which he hadn't gotten much of since the explosion. Turning to walk out of the room is when he heard it.

The small ping from his computer that let him know he just received a message.


	2. Nightmare

Hiro walked cautiously toward his computer, plate still in hand. His pounding heart filling the otherwise silent room. The only person who ever sent him messages was Tadashi. Years of not having any close friends, combined with never being in the same classes as other kids his age had led to this. He knew it didn't make sense to be on edge about getting a message. There was no way it was Tadashi responding because his big brother was gone. Besides, Hiro had only sent the message a few minutes ago. It had to be a coincidence, right?

With more hope than he realized, Hiro opened the message displayed in the bottom of his computer screen. He held his breath and realized that he should have sat down first, as his knees started buckling from the excitement.

It was just a video from Tadashi's friends.

Why? Why had he gotten his hopes up? Now he felt like there was a weight on his chest. Was is possible to feel like his heart was empty and yet somehow heavy at the same time? Hiro watched as the people on the screen tried their best to cheer him up, ending with Fred offering to come through the computer and give him a big hug.

After Fred's hug remark he minimized the message. He didn't know if Tadashi's friends genuinely cared, or if they were taking pity on him. After all they had only just met a few months ago, so it was hard to him consider them HIS friends at this point.

Hiro sighed and tried to shake the feelings off. Realizing he was still holding the plate of old food he turned and headed downstairs for the second time. Quietly he stepped, avoiding all the places on the stairs that he knew would let out a squeaking groan if he put any pressure on them. There was no sense in waking up Aunt Cass. It was already late, and she would insist on chatting with Hiro when she saw that he was finally out of his room.

He loved his Aunt Cass. She had taken care of him his whole life (all that he could remember anyway), and he truly considered her his Mom, even if he didn't called her that. Tadashi had always called her Aunt, so naturally Hiro followed suit. Although, Hiro had slipped a couple times, calling her Mom when he was really tired. Smiling to himself, his mind flashed back to a night when he was eight, and had been working on a new robot idea.

 _It was two or three in the morning, because Hiro had fallen into a light sleep on top of his sketches and notes, pencil still in hand. He was gently awoken as he felt his body being lifted from the uncomfortable position at the kitchen table. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times to help them adjust to his surroundings. Upon realizing that it was Aunt Cass who was holding him, he wrapped his tiny arms around her neck, and gently whispered "I love you Mom". Hiro could feel her pause slightly, as he sensed her mouth forming a smile. "I love you too, Hiro" she said in a soft, soothing tone as she carried him upstairs to his room._

Hiro smiled. He would have to remember to give her a hug tomorrow. She was trying to be comforting, and he knew that he could put more effort into trying too. Placing the plate in the sink Hiro hurried back upstairs, ready to go to sleep and get the events of today out of his mind.

 _"Happy New Year!" everyone exclaimed as the clock struck midnight._

 _Hiro looked around and saw his whole family sitting around their living room, smiling and laughing. Tadashi was there with his wife and their two daughters, who looked to be about six and four years old. Aunt Cass was there with her arms around her new boyfriend, giving him the traditional New Year's kiss. Gogo, Fred, Wasabi, and Honey Lemon were also there, looking like they were arguing about whether Fred's latest idea was "science" or not. Everyone Hiro cared about was all in the same room, celebrating with each other and having a wonderful time. He smiled._

 _How did he ever get to be so lucky?_

 _That's when Hiro's stomach dropped. A sulfur smell grazed his nostrils, and he knew that only meant on thing. The gas stove. It must be leaking, he thought to himself. Just as his mind reached this conclusion he heard the strike of a match._

 _Fire._

 _Everything was now engulfed in flames, the party decorations, the furniture, and the... the people. Hiro watched as everyone screamed and panicked. He tried to run and help them, but he couldn't move. It was almost as if he was stuck behind a pane of glass, forced to watch them all burn to death, but not allowed to meet the same fate. Suddenly everything went silent, and all that was left were the flames licking at his feet._

Hiro opened his eyes. He had this dream almost every night now. The first few times he woke up with his heart racing, and tears stinging his tightly squeezed eyes, but now the nightmare was familiar, almost taunting, daring him to get close to the ones he loved.

He sat up, knowing that trying to go back to sleep was pointless, and went to sit behind his computer. Maybe sending a quick email to Tadashi would help work this nightmare out of his memory, he thought. That way he could catch up on some desperately needed sleep.

He pulled up his messages and started to compose a new one.

 _Hey Big Brother,_

 _I just need to chat for a while. I know I just emailed you a couple hours ago, but I can't sleep. Ever since the night of the fire, I have had dreams about losing you, all of you, at the same time._

 _We are much older in the dream, so it's like you never left, which I think is one of the things that hurts the most. The dream usually starts off really happy, with everyone smiling and laughing. It's really nice. Until everything catches on fire. Everyone is burned alive, while I sit there and do nothing but watch. I can't help. I am frozen while you all burn. It's horrible Tadashi. I know it's probably my subconscious telling me it's my fault you died, because it is my fault. If I wouldn't have frozen, if I wouldn't have hesitated, you would still be here. I'm sorry Tadashi, I am so, sorry._

 _I miss you._

 _I love you._

 _-Hiro_

Hiro clicked send and laid his head down on his desk, his eyes staring off into nothing. He felt slightly relieved just by typing up the message. Glancing at his alarm clock he groaned. It was only 2:20 in the morning, so the night was far from over.

Something woke Hiro suddenly. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep at his desk. He glanced at his alarm clock again, hoping that lots of time had passed. 2:47. Not even thirty minutes.

"Ugh" he sighed in frustration. Then he heard the noise again, the one that had woken him.

Ping!

It was a message on his computer. He opened it figuring it was another attempt from his brother's friends to try to get him to open up. Hiro's jaw dropped when he saw that it was a reply from his older brother.

"Tadashi?"


End file.
